Writing Task 1
The line graph illustrates the proportion of how much three music methods were purchased from 2011 to 2018.
Writing Task 2
Some people think that government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of individual to protect themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The line graph show the number of three different music methods-streams ,downloads and CDS purchased between 2011 and 2018.
Overall, the highest number of methods in streams ,while the CDS purchased was lowest. More over, the downloads was stable in the last year.
In 2011, the number of method streams around 5 which, was significantly increase 30 in 2015. while this method number stable about 42 in the last year. The CDS methods upword number about 55 in the 2011 while this number dramatical fall 20 in 2018.
The downloads music methods significantly highest number 2011 to2014 about 43. which ,was decline slightly in 2017 at the number 30.Moreover this music method stable in the last year.
Original:
The line graph show the number of three different music methods-streams ,downloads and CDS purchased between 2011 and 2018.
Correction:
The line graph shows the percentage of total music sales from three methods—streams, downloads, and CDs purchased—between 2011 and 2018.
Mistakes:
show → shows (subject–verb agreement)
number → percentage (the graph is about percentage, not number)
Missing articles and punctuation corrected
More accurate description added
Original:
Overall, the highest number of methods in streams ,while the CDS purchased was lowest. More over, the downloads was stable in the last year.
Correction:
Overall, streaming became the most popular method of music consumption by the end of the period, while CD purchases declined sharply. Moreover, the proportion of downloads fell slightly and remained stable in the final year.
Mistakes:
Wrong structure: “the highest number of methods in streams” → unclear
CDs purchased were highest at the beginning, not overall
“More over” → “Moreover”
“downloads was” → “downloads were” (plural)
Improve clarity and accuracy
Original:
In 2011, the number of method streams around 5 which, was significantly increase 30 in 2015. while this method number stable about 42 in the last year. The CDS methods upword number about 55 in the 2011 while this number dramatical fall 20 in 2018.
Correction:
In 2011, streaming accounted for about 5%, and this figure rose significantly to around 30% by 2015. It continued to increase and reached approximately 42% in 2018.
By contrast, CD purchases stood at around 55% in 2011, but this proportion fell dramatically to about 20% by 2018.
Mistakes:
“number of method streams” → wrong phrasing
Missing percentage sign
“was significantly increase” → rise/increase (verb tense error)
“upword number” → upward trend
“dramatical fall” → dramatically fell
Grammar, punctuation, clarity fixes
Original:
The downloads music methods significantly highest number 2011 to2014 about 43. which ,was decline slightly in 2017 at the number 30.Moreover this music method stable in the last year.
Correction:
Downloads made up about 35% in 2011 and rose to a peak of roughly 43% in 2014. After that, the figure declined gradually to around 30% in 2017 and remained stable in 2018.
Mistakes:
Incorrect sentence structure
Missing prepositions (“from 2011 to 2014”)
Some numbers were swapped (download was about 35% in 2011, not 43%)
“was decline” → “declined”
Band…5.0
Task-2
Many individuals think that government should be responsible for Crime prevention. While others argue that it is the responsibility of people protect themselves . I completely agree with this second idea.
On the one hand, nowadays crime percentage had been increased sharply. In many country some people think that government should be responsible for crime prevention because thy believe that only government can stop crime activities . in the world many nations are poor these country are not too much financially capable, like Bangladesh, Nepal, Bhutan, and many African nations . Those country some people are very poor they do not income much money for that don not afford their family cost . many individual do not have any job or they do not have any skill for that because they do not any work . some individuals attend crime team or they do not crime for cost , they do not robbery and many illegal work . Many individuals think that if state start a skill improvement program where unemployed peoples gain knowledge for free cost . For example , India everyday occurs many crime robbery and etc . Then they gain job related skill and add in their CV , they have chance for getting a job and if they do a fixed job and they get salary tine to time then they work do think to do illegal work .
On the other hand , many individuals believe that it is the responsibility of people protect themselves . They trust every people have own mindset if they want to do crime that means they do that and if a people think for their family an their own condition they do not join illegal activities. A bad people always think money because crime.
In conclusion , every people have own mindset , they think for gain legal knowledge for placement in a certain work. if government open a program for unskilled people than it has some advantage because it is not compulsory for every employed people . I completely agree with this second idea .
Structure :
While______,_______.
If______,______.
Punctuation,
Capitalisation,
Spelling
Crime had been…(incorrect tense)
Examples are not clearly developed
Balanced both sides
Work on sentence making
Band….5
Task-2
Some individuals think that government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others argue that it is responsibility of individual to protect themselves. I completely agree with second idea.
On the first side, nowadays crime number had been increase dramatically. In many country some individuals think that government should be responsible for crime prevention because they believe that only government can stop crime activities. In the world many countries are poor these country are not much financially capable, like Bangladesh, Nepal, Bhutan, and many African countries. Those country many people are very poor they do not income much money that for they do not afford their family cost. Some people do not have any job or they do not have any skill for that reason they did not work. Many individuals join crime team or they do crime for money, they do robbery and many illegal work. some people think that if state start a skill improvement program where unemployed peoples gain knowledge for free cost. Then they gain job related skill and add in their CV, they have chance for getting a job and if they do a fixed job and they get salary time to time then they work do not think to do illegal work.
On the second side, many people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to protect themselves. They trust every people have own mindset if they want to do crime that means they do that and if a people think for their family and their own condition then they do not join illegal activities. That moment they think for gain legal knowledge for placement in a certain work.
In conclusion, every people have own mindset. If government open a program for unskilled people then it has some advantages because it not compulsory for every unemployed people .For that reason i completely agree with second idea.
Stucture
If_____, ____.
Second idea=latter idea
Crime number had been…(wrong correct)
Punctuation
Capitalization
Sentence tense(simple present.. Not past)
Structural repetition
Balanced both sides
Give relevant example
Develop your ideas clearly
Band 5.
TASK 2=
There are some opposing view regarding crime prevention. Some people trust that government should be responsible for crime prevention, while other argue that it is the responsibility of individual to protect themselves. I completely agree with second idea.
On the first hand, nowadays crime ratio had been increase dramatically. In many nation some people think that government should be responsible for crime prevention because they believe that only government can stop crime activities. In the world many countries are poor these nation are not much financially capable, like Bangladesh,Pakistan, Uganda and many of countries. Those country many peoples are very poor they do not income much money that for they do not afford their family cost. Some people do not have any job or they do not have any skill for that reason they did not work. That time many people join criminal team or they do crime for money, they do robbery and many illegal work. Some people argue that if government start a skill improvement program where unemployed peoples gain knowledge for free of cost. Then they gain job related skill and add in their CV, they have chance for getting a job and if they do a fixed job and if they get salary time to time then they do not think to do illegal work.
On the other hand, many people believe that it is the responsibility of individual to protect themselves. They trust every people have own mindset if they want to do crime that means they do that and if a people think for their family and their own condition then they do not join illegal activities.That moment they think for gain legal knowledge for placement in a certain work.
In conclusion, every people have own mindset. If government open a program for unskilled people then it has some advantages because it not compulsory for every unemployed people. A bad people always think for money that means they do crimes. For that reason i completely agree with second idea.
TASK 1=
The line graph illustrates the proportion of how much three type of music methods were
(AJKER JONNO SOMAPTO)
THE END……………………….
Word selection
Trust =believe, think
Second idea…latter view
On the one hand…
Crime ratio had been….(incorrect tense)
Punctuation
Capitalization
sentence structure
(If_____, ______)
Unnecessary sentences just to fulfill word range not developed clearly
Examples are not so relevant.. Under developed
Balance both sides
Mention your supported ideas clearly on introduction and conclusion
Band….5
The line graph compare the proportion of how much three music methods the streams, downloads ,CDs purchased were sales between from 2011 to 2018.
overall, the percentage of upward trend over the period, except CDs purchased and downloads which witnessed an opposite trend .despite having the largest share regarding methods purcharsing streams the ratio became the lowest compared to others at the end of the period .
In trems the percentage of total music sales by method , downloads began just over ,30% and after three years its rose by 41% .therefore,the proportion started decline till 2018 and reached its peak around 30%
conversely ,ratio of total music sales by methods,CDs purchased was the highest rate of purcharsing started around 55% ,after seven years this ratio decline steeply and it reached by 28%
task 2
many people think that government should be responsible for crime prevention ,while others people believe that it is the responsibility of individual to save themselves .in my point of view ,government should be responsible for crime prevention ,
There are reasons for why government responsible for crime prevention . firstly , the government provide many facilities to the whole nation .In the country ,government have to know how its people live .
1️⃣ Introduction
Original:
The line graph compare the proportion of how much three music methods the streams, downloads ,CDs purchased were sales between from 2011 to 2018.
Correction:
The line graph compares the proportion of total music sales from three methods—streams, downloads, and CDs purchased—between 2011 and 2018.
Mistakes:
compare → compares (subject–verb agreement)
“proportion of how much” → incorrect phrase
“were sales” → wrong grammar; “sales from” is correct
“between from” → cannot use both; choose one
Missing articles and punctuation
Word order incorrect
2️⃣ Overview
Original:
overall, the percentage of upward trend over the period, except CDs purchased and downloads which witnessed an opposite trend .despite having the largest share regarding methods purcharsing streams the ratio became the lowest compared to others at the end of the period .
Correction:
Overall, streaming showed an upward trend, while downloads and CD purchases declined. Although CDs had the largest share at the beginning, streaming became the most popular method by the end of the period.
Mistakes:
“percentage of upward trend” → unclear and incorrect
Incorrect: “streams became the lowest” (actually became highest)
Missing full stops and capital letters
Wrong timing: CDs were highest at the start, not streaming
Grammar errors (articles, prepositions)
Sentences poorly connected
3️⃣ Downloads Paragraph
Original:
In trems the percentage of total music sales by method , downloads began just over ,30% and after three years its rose by 41% .therefore,the proportion started decline till 2018 and reached its peak around 30%
Correction:
In terms of downloads, the proportion began at just over 30% and rose to around 41% after three years. However, it declined steadily until 2018, reaching about 30%.
Mistakes:
“trems” → spelling mistake
Incorrect comma use: “over ,30%”
“its rose” → “it rose”
“started decline” → “started to decline”
Incorrect idea: 30% is not a “peak”; it is the lowest point
Missing articles
Punctuation errors
4️⃣ CDs Paragraph
Original:
conversely ,ratio of total music sales by methods,CDs purchased was the highest rate of purcharsing started around 55% ,after seven years this ratio decline steeply and it reached by 28%
Correction:
Conversely, CD purchases accounted for about 55% in 2011, but this figure fell sharply over the next seven years, reaching around 20% in 2018.
Mistakes:
Missing capital letter
“purcharsing” → spelling mistake
Incorrect numbers: CDs ended at 20%, not 28%
Sentence structure incorrect
Missing linking words
“reached by 28%” → incorrect preposition
Grammar errors (articles, verb forms)
Band.. 4.5+
Task 02:
Capitalization
Punctuation
Develop your ideas
Band 2.5
Task- 2
Some individuals argue that authority should be responsible for crime prevention, while others think that it is responsibility of people to protect themselves. I firmly agree with first view, it is authority’s duty protect their residents
Nowadays crime rate is getting higher day by day. general people can not handle this, because criminals always carry weapon, like knife pistol and many more. Therefore people from government always say that they will take care of crime and prevent it. Additionally, Authority have forces, such as Army, RAB and police. forces are well trained and experience in handling criminal. Cops can be taken as an example, they have weapons and proper plan in order lower crimes, which is not easy and highly risk things for general people.
In contrast , sometimes crime rates goes out of the control for Government. Residents can apply different types of stuff and one of them is cctv camera. It became very popular and it is a essential tool to. For instance, it will helps to monitor their companies or homes. In addition they can hire a guard who is strong enough and ensure their safety. However it is kind of expensive that is why many residents do not prefer it
In conclusion, it depends on both authority and individuals. In my opinion, people no need to protect themselves, Governments ought do this , due to it is their jobs to look after the peoples. However they have to be serious about crime prevent and residents protection.
Use connectors
On the one hand
On the other hand
Don’t jump into another ideas if one idea is not developed clearly
Support your opinion clearly on introduction and conclusion with supported ideas
Maintain paragraphing
Spelling…
Informal(stuff)
Punctuation
Present tense
Balanced both sides
Band 5.5+
Some people believe that government should be responsible for crime preventions ,while others believe that responsibility of people to protect themselves .This easy discuss both view. I believe that government should solve this problem .
On the one hand, when people responsible the crime prevention it effects on the society . Moreover, when children see most of the people responsible this crime they tray to involve this crime prevention .As a results it harmful children life. For example ,In japan most of the people responsible the different kinds of crime. As there children involve this crime .
On the other hand , when government
Ideas are not clear
Underdeveloped
Use relevant ideas
Mention ideas on introduction and conclusion
Punctuation
Spelling
Capitalization
Band…4
Task – 2
People have contrasting views regarding crime prevention . Some individuals acknowledge that government ought to be responsible for crime prevention, while others admire that it is responsibility of generals to protect themselves . I firmly believe that , the both opinions are correct in their way .But people and government both should work together to address the crime rate at lower .
If a crime happens somewhere , the first blame goes to the government .the moral responsibility of government , they should prevent the crime rate . For this , government can increase the police patrolling around the city for twenty four hours .moreover, they can introduce more stricter rules for criminals .For instance , Dubai is a country with the lowest crime rate, their strict law create fears in criminals .In addition, government also can enhance the number of police and their resources , this will help the police to take control over the city .
On the other hand, individuals are also the important part to prevent crimes . People can take certain practical measures to address the crime rate . At first, generals can implant CCTV in their houses, shops or in the offices . People ought to aware of the criminals and for that they can have security guards at offices or home also .The most important is individuals and generals should work together to prevent this issue . This issue can not be prevent alone .
In conclusion , government ought to responsible for crime prevention, while other believe that , individuals should protect themselves. From my perspective, government and individuals both should work together on this issue.
Task -1 :
The line graph illustrates the proportion of distinct three music methods such as streams, downloads and CDs were purchased from 2011 to 2018.
Overall, downloads and CDs purchased both method was fell down over the time except streams . stream is the only method which is gaining .
In terms of CDs purchased , which is following a downward trend, it was fell down at 30 % in 2016 .In 2018, this method was still following downward trend and it was 25 %. Another method is downloads, which was rose up at 42% in 2014 ,this method started falling after 2014 and the ratio was fell in 30 % in the year 2018 .
Last but not least streams was the only method which followed upward trend , the ratio of this method growing over the time and in the year 2018 the ratio was 40 %.
Task 2:
Mention your opinion clearly with supportive ideas in introduction and conclusion
Make your topic sentence clear with starting phrases(on the one hand)
Punctuation
Capitalization
Avoid repetition (ought to)
Band 5.5
Task 1:
Niaz
Original:
The line graph illustrates the proportion of distinct three music methods such as streams, downloads and CDs were purchased from 2011 to 2018.
Mistakes:
“distinct three music methods” → awkward phrasing; better: “three different music formats”
“such as streams, downloads and CDs were purchased” → grammatical error; “were purchased” does not fit smoothly
“from 2011 to 2018” → correct
Correction:
The line graph illustrates the proportion of three different music formats—streams, downloads, and CDs—purchased from 2011 to 2018.
Original:
Overall, downloads and CDs purchased both method was fell down over the time except streams . stream is the only method which is gaining .
Mistakes:
“downloads and CDs purchased both method” → ungrammatical; should be “both downloads and CDs”
“was fell down” → wrong verb; correct: “fell” or “decreased”
“over the time” → should be “over time”
“except streams . stream is the only method which is gaining” → capitalization and phrasing issues; should be “except for streams, which was the only method that increased.”
Correction:
Overall, both downloads and CDs decreased over time, while streams were the only format that showed an increase.
Original:
In terms of CDs purchased , which is following a downward trend, it was fell down at 30 % in 2016 .In 2018, this method was still following downward trend and it was 25 %.
Mistakes:
“which is following a downward trend” → tense mismatch; past tense needed: “which followed a downward trend”
“it was fell down at 30 %” → incorrect verb; should be “fell to 30%”
“this method was still following downward trend and it was 25 %” → awkward phrasing; better: “continued to decline to 25% in 2018”
Correction:
In terms of CDs, which followed a downward trend, the proportion fell to 30% in 2016 and continued to decline to 25% by 2018.
Original:
Another method is downloads, which was rose up at 42% in 2014 ,this method started falling after 2014 and the ratio was fell in 30 % in the year 2018 .
Mistakes:
“Another method is downloads” → tense mismatch; past tense needed: “Another format was downloads”
“was rose up” → wrong; should be “rose to 42%”
“the ratio was fell in 30 %” → wrong; correct: “fell to 30%”
Comma splice → separate sentences
Correction:
Another format, downloads, rose to 42% in 2014, but then declined to 30% by 2018.
Original:
Last but not least streams was the only method which followed upward trend , the ratio of this method growing over the time and in the year 2018 the ratio was 40 %.
Mistakes:
“streams was” → missing article “Streams were”
“which followed upward trend” → missing article: “which followed an upward trend”
“the ratio of this method growing over the time” → tense and grammar wrong; should be “its proportion grew over time”
Comma splice → needs separation
Correction:
Finally, streams were the only format that followed an upward trend, with its proportion growing steadily to reach 40% by 2018.
Band 6
Task 1
The line chart compares the percentage of how which types of music were bought between 2011 and 2018.
Overall, the total music sales of streams was followed an upward trend, whereas the music sales of downloads and CDs purchased was a downward trend in the given period. However, the percentage of CDs music started the highest ratio in the former year.
According to the streams, it initiated, at around 5% in 2011 and this figure increased gradually form 2011 to 2015 to 20%. After that , the sales of streams were rose remarkably and reached the high portion at about 40% to 2018. Moreover, in the four years, the downloads of music sales surged slightly in 35% to over 40%, while this figure change the sales , there was considerable drop at 30% sales in the last 5 years.
Considerably, CDs purchased the small proportion at nearly 5% in 2011 then it grew merely to 5% in later two years, but there was dramatic increase from 10% to over 40% after whole years.
Task 2
In the modern era, crime prevention has become a widespread amenities among people all over the, with many people debating its impact. While some people argue that crime prevention provides several significant advantages, others claim that it lead certain drawbacks. In this essay I will examine both viewpoint and offer my perspective on the matter.
To begin with, crime prevention presents several benefits, which contribute modern society development. One notable pros is provide the valuable sites for individuals, they are active take to their lives, which can improve personal well-being. For example, if government can take a right action to crime prevention, it will be the biggest approach to reduce the crime. Moreover, crime prevention plays a key role in society improvement promoting the connectivity with others, which is essential for a progressive society.
Despite these benefits against, the responsible of crime is some drawbacks to crime prevention that must be considered. A major concern is awareness because if people know about the better thing, which can operate a smooth lifestyle. For instance, A survey shows that crime prevention affected to the society people. In addition, lack of the outdoor activities problem associated with crime prevention.
Task 1:
1. Original:
The line chart compares the percentage of how which types of music were bought between 2011 and 2018.
Correction:
The line chart compares the percentage of different types of music purchased from 2011 to 2018.
Mistakes/Explanation:
“the percentage of how which types” → redundant and ungrammatical; use “percentage of different types”
“were bought between 2011 and 2018” → better phrasing: “purchased from 2011 to 2018”
2. Original:
Overall, the total music sales of streams was followed an upward trend, whereas the music sales of downloads and CDs purchased was a downward trend in the given period. However, the percentage of CDs music started the highest ratio in the former year.
Correction:
Overall, sales of streams followed an upward trend, whereas downloads and CDs were on a downward trend during the period. At the beginning of the period, CDs accounted for the highest proportion of music sales.
Mistakes/Explanation:
“was followed an upward trend” → incorrect verb; correct: “followed an upward trend”
“was a downward trend” → subject-verb mismatch; should be “were on a downward trend”
“the percentage of CDs music started the highest ratio in the former year” → awkward; better: “CDs accounted for the highest proportion at the beginning of the period”
3. Original:
According to the streams, it initiated, at around 5% in 2011 and this figure increased gradually form 2011 to 2015 to 20%. After that , the sales of streams were rose remarkably and reached the high portion at about 40% to 2018.
Correction:
Streams accounted for about 5% of sales in 2011, and this figure increased gradually from 2011 to 2015 to 20%. After that, streams rose significantly, reaching around 40% by 2018.
Mistakes/Explanation:
“According to the streams, it initiated” → wrong; correct: “Streams accounted for…”
“form 2011” → typo; should be “from 2011”
“were rose remarkably” → wrong; correct: “rose significantly”
“reached the high portion at about 40% to 2018” → awkward; correct: “reaching around 40% by 2018”
4. Original:
Moreover, in the four years, the downloads of music sales surged slightly in 35% to over 40%, while this figure change the sales , there was considerable drop at 30% sales in the last 5 years.
Correction:
From 2011 to 2014, downloads increased slightly from 35% to just over 40%, but then declined steadily to 30% by 2018.
Mistakes/Explanation:
“in the four years” → unclear; specify period “from 2011 to 2014”
“surged slightly in 35% to over 40%” → awkward; correct: “increased slightly from 35% to just over 40%”
“while this figure change the sales, there was considerable drop at 30% sales in the last 5 years” → ungrammatical; correct: “but then declined steadily to 30% by 2018”
5. Original:
Considerably, CDs purchased the small proportion at nearly 5% in 2011 then it grew merely to 5% in later two years, but there was dramatic increase from 10% to over 40% after whole years.
Correction:
CDs accounted for the largest proportion of sales at nearly 65% in 2011, but this figure decreased steadily to 25% by 2018.
Mistakes/Explanation:
“Considerably, CDs purchased the small proportion at nearly 5%” → incorrect; CDs started high, not low
“it grew merely to 5% in later two years” → confusing and wrong
“dramatic increase from 10% to over 40% after whole years” → incorrect; the trend for CDs was downward, so this is factually wrong
Band 5.5
Task 2:
Metion your opinion clealry with supportive ideas in introduction and conclusion
Question is about discuss both views..not advantages and disadvantages
Underdeveloped
Ideas are not clearly explained
Sentence making
Sentence structure… (If)
Band 5
TASK-1
The line graph illustrates the proportion of how much three distinct music methods-( streams, downloads, CDs ) were purchased from the year 2011 to 2018.
Overall, all the music methods had experienced an downward trend over the period, except streams which had an upward trend.
The percentage of CDs purchased was at the peak in the initial year, at 55%. After that it experienced a downward trend and reached its lowest point , at 25% in the year 2018. In terms of downloads, at its initial year it was at the second most purchased music methods, at 35%. After that it experienced a upward trend and surpassed CD. And climbed up at 43% in 2014 before falling to 30% in 2018.
Except other method, streams had an upward trend. It experienced an significant rise and became the highest purchased music methods in 2018 by surpassing others, at 42%.
TASK-02
Some people believe that government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of individual to protect themselves. I believe that both government and individual need to work together to ensure the safety of peoples.
In one side, people believe that government should be responsible for reducing crime rate. It is fair to make government responsible because they have the authority to do it. They can reduce crime rate by taking few practical steps- such as enrolling police in every area, ensuring that every criminal would be punished for his crime. Most of the crime happens in the remote area, where are less police to tackle the criminals. Therefore, more police needs to be deployed in remote areas. Most of the time criminals get away from the punishment, therefore, many criminals believe that they will not be punished for their crime. That is the major reason for crime rate climbing high. So government needs to make sure that every criminal get punished for their crime.
On the other side, individuals can also play a major role in decreasing the crime rate. Such as parents can teach their children moral and teach them what is wrong and right.
Conclusion, in my opinion it is better for both to work together to reduce the crime rate. It will be much easier to tackle the problem together.
1. Original:
The line graph illustrates the proportion of how much three distinct music methods-( streams, downloads, CDs ) were purchased from the year 2011 to 2018.
Correction:
The line graph illustrates the proportion of three different music formats—streams, downloads, and CDs—purchased from 2011 to 2018.
Mistakes / Explanation:
“proportion of how much three distinct music methods” → awkward and ungrammatical; “proportion of three different music formats” is correct.
“from the year 2011 to 2018” → “from 2011 to 2018” is more natural.
Extra spaces around parentheses are unnecessary.
2. Original:
Overall, all the music methods had experienced an downward trend over the period, except streams which had an upward trend.
Correction:
Overall, all music formats experienced a downward trend over the period, except for streams, which showed an upward trend.
Mistakes / Explanation:
“had experienced” → past simple “experienced” is enough for describing trends.
“except streams which had an upward trend” → better: “except for streams, which showed an upward trend.”
3. Original:
The percentage of CDs purchased was at the peak in the initial year, at 55%. After that it experienced a downward trend and reached its lowest point , at 25% in the year 2018.
Correction:
CDs accounted for the highest proportion in 2011, at 55%, but then declined steadily to reach 25% by 2018.
Mistakes / Explanation:
“was at the peak in the initial year” → awkward; better: “accounted for the highest proportion in 2011”
“After that it experienced a downward trend and reached its lowest point , at 25% in the year 2018” → unnecessary comma and wordiness; simplified as above.
4. Original:
In terms of downloads, at its initial year it was at the second most purchased music methods, at 35%. After that it experienced a upward trend and surpassed CD. And climbed up at 43% in 2014 before falling to 30% in 2018.
Correction:
Downloads were the second most popular format in 2011, at 35%. Their proportion increased to 43% in 2014, surpassing CDs, before declining to 30% by 2018.
Mistakes / Explanation:
“at its initial year” → awkward; better: “in 2011”
“second most purchased music methods” → “second most popular format”
“And climbed up at 43% in 2014” → incorrect sentence start; combine into one sentence.
“before falling to 30% in 2018” → correct tense: “declining to 30% by 2018.”
5. Original:
Except other method, streams had an upward trend. It experienced an significant rise and became the highest purchased music methods in 2018 by surpassing others, at 42%.
Correction:
Streams, in contrast, followed an upward trend. Their proportion rose significantly, reaching 42% in 2018, making them the most popular format.
Mistakes / Explanation:
“Except other method” → wrong phrasing; use “in contrast”
“an significant rise” → grammar: “a significant rise”
“highest purchased music methods” → awkward; better: “most popular format”
Split into clearer sentences for readability.Mention your opinion clearly with supportive ideas
Band…6
Task 2:
Develop both sides
First body is developed enough but second body is missing
They have asked you Your opinion..so you have to support one side…Don’t support both sides in intro and conclusion
Punctuation,
Capitalization
Add relevant example
Band 4.5
Task-1:
The line graph demonstrates the proportion of how much three music methods namely streams, downloads and CDs purchased were sales between 2011 and 2018.
It is clear that the percentage of streams followed an upward trend over the trend except CDs purchased and downloads which witnessed an opposite trend. Despite having the largest share regarding purchasing streams, the ratio became the lowest compared to others at the end of the period.
In terms of the percentage of total music sales by method, downloads began just over, 30% and after three years it rose by 41%. Thereafter, the proportion started decline till 2018 and reached its peak around 30%.
With regards to the ratio of total music sales by methods, CDs purchased was the highest rate of purchasing, started around 55%. After seven years, this ratio declined steeply and it reached by 28% .
Task-2:
Some people think that authority should be responsible for crime prevention. It is believed by others that it is the responsibility of individuals to protect themselves. In my point of view, government should be responsible for crime prevention.
There are numerous reasons for why government should be responsible for crime prevention. Firstly, it is the government who provides many facilities to the whole nation and carry responsibility of the whole nation. In the country, government have to know how its people live. It is the responsibility of authority to make sure country’s peoples safety. Government should provide many facilities to the prevention of the nation. In my point of view, government should be responsible for crime prevention because it is the responsibility of the authority to gives safety to rest of the nation. When a country’s people happy or feel safe, automatically whole nation will progress faster.
There are many people who think that it is the responsibility of every individuals to protect themselves. If a person make sure his own safety, it is very easy for the government of the nation. When a person concern about himself, it is the best way to protect himself from every danger in his life. Individuals should confirm his safety.
To sum up, although it is the responsibility of individuals to protect themselves, government should responsible for crime prevention. Government should provide many facilities for his country for the prevention of crime.
Task 1:
1️⃣ Original:
The line graph demonstrates the proportion of how much three music methods namely streams, downloads and CDs purchased were sales between 2011 and 2018.
Correction:
The line graph illustrates the proportion of total music sales accounted for by three methods—streams, downloads, and CD purchases—from 2011 to 2018.
Mistakes:
demonstrates → use illustrates for graphs.
the proportion of how much three music methods…were sales → incorrect and unclear structure.
Missing commas around items in a list.
CDs purchased should be CD purchases when used as a noun phrase.
2️⃣ Original:
It is clear that the percentage of streams followed an upward trend over the trend except CDs purchased and downloads which witnessed an opposite trend.
Correction:
It is clear that streaming followed an upward trend, while both downloads and CD purchases showed the opposite pattern.
Mistakes:
over the trend → incorrect phrase.
except CDs purchased and downloads → should be while downloads and CD purchases….
Awkward repetition of trend.
3️⃣ Original:
Despite having the largest share regarding purchasing streams, the ratio became the lowest compared to others at the end of the period.
Correction:
Although streaming had the smallest share at the beginning of the period, it became the largest by the end.
Mistakes:
Your meaning was reversed. You wrote the opposite of the actual trend.
the ratio became the lowest → incorrect based on graph.
Sentence logic was unclear.
4️⃣ Original:
In terms of the percentage of total music sales by method, downloads began just over, 30% and after three years it rose by 41%.
Correction:
Downloads started at just over 30%, and after three years their share rose to around 41%.
Mistakes:
just over, 30% → comma misuse.
rose by 41% → incorrect. It rose to 41%, not by 41.
Missing subject agreement (their share).
5️⃣ Original:
Thereafter, the proportion started decline till 2018 and reached its peak around 30%.
Correction:
After that, the figure gradually declined until 2018, falling to about 30%.
Mistakes:
started decline → should be started to decline.
till → informal; use until.
reached its peak around 30% → this is not a peak; it’s a decline to 30%.
6️⃣ Original:
With regards to the ratio of total music sales by methods, CDs purchased was the highest rate of purchasing, started around 55%.
Correction:
Regarding CD purchases, this method had the highest share at the start of the period, at about 55%.
Mistakes:
With regards to → use Regarding.
CDs purchased was → plural subject, singular verb.
highest rate of purchasing → unnatural; say highest share.
started around 55% → incomplete; needs restructuring.
7️⃣ Original:
After seven years, this ratio declined steeply and it reached by 28%.
Correction:
Over the following seven years, this figure fell sharply to about 28%.
Mistakes:
reached by 28% → incorrect preposition; should be reached 28% or fell to 28%.
this ratio → better to use this figure.
Band…5.5
Task2:
Developed second body
Puntuation
Use connectors
Add relevant ideas
Add examples
Preposition
Mention your side clearly with supportive ideas in introduction and conclusion
Band 6