The table gives information about department and online stores in Australia in 2011.
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19 thoughts on “task 1”
Niaz
The table chart illustrate data about department and online shops in different criteria such as number of business, profit (AUD), sales revenue (AUD), growth in Australia in the year 2011 .
Overall, virtual shops was ahead of department stores in figure in a major difference .The amount of the department store businesses was very low comparatively to online store businesses. The digit in profit both online and department stores share the stage almost equally .
In terms of number in business, the difference in both
“The table chart illustrate data about department and online shops in different criteria such as number of business, profit (AUD), sales revenue (AUD), growth in Australia in the year 2011 .”
#Corrected:
“The table illustrates data about department stores and online shops in different criteria, namely the number of businesses, profit (AUD), sales revenue (AUD), and growth in Australia in the year 2011.”
#Mistakes
table chart → just table
illustrate → illustrates (singular subject)
department and online shops → department stores and online shops
number of business → number of businesses
Added proper commas and structure.
#Original:
“Overall, virtual shops was ahead of department stores in figure in a major difference .”
#Corrected:
“Overall, virtual shops were ahead of department stores by a significant margin.”
#Mistakes:
was → were (plural)
in figure in a major difference → unclear → replaced with natural phrase by a significant margin
Removed unnecessary wording.
#Original:
“The amount of the department store businesses was very low comparatively to online store businesses.”
# Corrected:
“The number of department store businesses was very low compared to online store businesses.”
#Mistakes:
amount → number (for countable nouns)
comparatively to → compared to
Removed extra words so the sentence is clear.
# Original:
“The digit in profit both online and department stores share the stage almost equally .”
# Corrected:
“The profit figures for both online and department stores were almost the same.”
#mistakes:
digit in profit → not natural → profit figures
share the stage → too informal for IELTS
share → were (verb agreement)
# Original:
“In terms of number in business, the difference in both”
#Corrected:
“In terms of the number of businesses, the difference between the two was clearly noticeable.”
The table compares department and online stores on some criteria – (number of business, profit (AUD), sales revenue (AUD), growth) in Australia in the year 2011.
Overall, online stores was ahead of department stores in numbers of businesses. The difference between them was major. But in profit(AUD),
there was not that much of differences. Similarly, the sales revenue and growth had a minor difference.
In terms of number of business, online store was ahead of department stores in a major number, at 368 and 67.
“The table compares department and online stores on some criteria – (number of business, profit (AUD), sales revenue (AUD), growth) in Australia in the year 2011.”
# Corrected:
“The table compares department stores and online stores across several criteria, including the number of businesses, profit (AUD), sales revenue (AUD), and growth in Australia in 2011.”
# Mistakes:
department and online stores → missing “stores” after department
on some criteria → better: across several criteria
number of business → number of businesses
Unnecessary brackets
Word order improved for clarity
# Original:
“Overall, online stores was ahead of department stores in numbers of businesses.”
# Corrected:
“Overall, online stores were ahead of department stores in the number of businesses.”
# Mistakes:
was → were (plural subject)
numbers of businesses → the number of businesses (correct phrase)
# Original:
“The difference between them was major.”
# Corrected:
“The difference between them was significant.”
#Mistakes:
major is too informal
significant is the correct academic word
#Original:
“But in profit(AUD),there was not that much of differences.”
#Corrected:
“However, in terms of profit (AUD), the difference was not very large.”
# Mistakes:
But → informal → use However
Missing space after comma
differences → should be difference (singular)
not that much of differences → incorrect structure
#Original:
“Similarly, the sales revenue and growth had a minor difference.”
# Corrected:
“Similarly, the differences in sales revenue and growth were also small.”
#Mistakes:
had a minor difference → unnatural
Should describe differences in something
Plural is needed (two criteria → differences)
#Original:
“In terms of number of business, online store was ahead of department stores in a major number, at 368 and 67.”
#Corrected:
“In terms of the number of businesses, online stores were far ahead of department stores, with 368 and 67 respectively.”
# Mistakes:
number of business → number of businesses
online store was → online stores were
in a major number → incorrect → use far ahead
at 368 and 67 → unclear → add respectively for clarity
The given table illustrates data about department as well as online store in Australia in 2011.
Overall, it is obvious that the information about the online stores was the highest, whereas the data about department stores was the lowest.
According to number of businesses, which contribute the lowest between two stores. First of all, department s stores number of businesses was 67 on the other hand online stores number of businesses was 368, that was higher compared to department store. Moreover, in category of profit ( AUD) had not major different, they were 807 and 863 respectively.
Regarding to sales revenue (AUD) it also had not significant difference between them. Finally, department stores and online stores growth were .4% and .6% chronologically.
“The given table illustrates data about department as well as online store in Australia in 2011.”
✅ Corrected:
“The table illustrates data about department stores and online stores in Australia in 2011.”
📝 Mistakes:
department as well as online store → incorrect structure
Both nouns must be plural: department stores, online stores
“given” is unnecessary in IELTS
2️⃣ Original:
“Overall, it is obvious that the information about the online stores was the highest, whereas the data about department stores was the lowest.”
✅ Corrected:
“Overall, online stores recorded higher values across almost all categories, while department stores showed lower figures.”
📝 Mistakes:
“information… was the highest” → information cannot be highest
Use figures/values instead
Improve clarity and academic tone
3️⃣ Original:
“According to number of businesses, which contribute the lowest between two stores.”
✅ Corrected:
“In terms of the number of businesses, department stores had the lower figure between the two.”
📝 Mistakes:
Sentence is incomplete
“contribute the lowest” → incorrect
Needs proper subject + verb
4️⃣ Original:
“First of all, department s stores number of businesses was 67 on the other hand online stores number of businesses was 368, that was higher compared to department store.”
✅ Corrected:
“Department stores had 67 businesses, while online stores had 368, which was significantly higher.”
📝 Mistakes:
department s stores → typo
Sentence too long and repetitive
Grammar errors: missing articles, comma misuse
“that was higher compared to department store” → unclear structure
5️⃣ Original:
“Moreover, in category of profit ( AUD) had not major different, they were 807 and 863 respectively.”
✅ Corrected:
“Moreover, the profit (AUD) figures showed little difference, at 807 and 863 respectively.”
📝 Mistakes:
“in category of profit had not major different” → incorrect structure
different → should be difference
Missing subject
Needs clearer phrasing
6️⃣ Original:
“Regarding to sales revenue (AUD) it also had not significant difference between them.”
✅ Corrected:
“Similarly, the sales revenue (AUD) for both types of stores did not differ significantly.”
📝 Mistakes:
“Regarding to” → incorrect → Regarding or With regard to
“had not significant difference” → should be did not differ significantly
7️⃣ Original:
“Finally, department stores and online stores growth were .4% and .6% chronologically.”
✅ Corrected:
“Finally, the growth rates of department stores and online stores were 0.4% and 0.6% respectively.”
the table compares about department and online stores in australia in 2011.
overall , sales revenue department stores was the largest namber as opposed to rest of the department notably there was major difference on namber of businesses stores in both categories .
according to the businesses ,67 stores was available in department while online store had the famous for australia people .moreover in the profit 807 stores had this figure almost 55 number higher then thet of online stores
the table compares about department and online stores in australia in 2011.
Correction:
The table compares department stores and online stores in Australia in 2011.
Mistakes:
“compares about” incorrect
No capital letter at the start
“australia” not capitalized
Missing plural “department stores”
Unnecessary “about”
2️⃣ Sentence 2
Original:
overall , sales revenue department stores was the largest namber as opposed to rest of the department notably there was major difference on namber of businesses stores in both categories .
Correction:
Overall, sales revenue from department stores was the highest. Notably, there was a major difference in the number of businesses between the two categories.
Mistakes:
“overall” not capitalized
Space before comma
Wrong phrase: “sales revenue department stores”
“largest namber” incorrect word + spelling
“rest of the department” incorrect
Run-on sentence
“namber” spelling error
“on namber” wrong preposition
“businesses stores” incorrect phrasing
3️⃣ Sentence 3
Original:
according to the businesses ,67 stores was available in department while online store had the famous for australia people .
Correction:
According to the data, 67 department stores were available, while online stores were more popular among Australian people.
Mistakes:
Not capitalized
Space before comma
“according to the businesses” incorrect phrase
“stores was” → subject–verb disagreement
“in department” incorrect
“online store” should be plural
“had the famous” incorrect
“australia people” incorrect phrasing
4️⃣ Sentence 4
Original:
moreover in the profit 807 stores had this figure almost 55 number higher then thet of online stores
Correction:
Moreover, the profit figure was 807, which was about 55 higher than that of online stores.
The table demonstrates the information about department and online stores in Australia in the year 2011.
Overall, Sales Revenue [AUD] was the highest at department stores and online stores. however, Growth was the most lowest in the rest of the sectors. However, number of businesses and profits figure also increased.
In contrast of department stores and online stores, number of businesses was the lowest between 67 and 368. Department stores profit was 807. There was significant increased and the figure was 863.
On the other hand, Sales Revenue [AUD] were likely to the most highest figure all over the sectors. The number was 12700 in department stores and 13400 in online stores. growth was the most lowest, both department stores and online stores and percentage was .4% and .6%.
Original:
Overall, Sales Revenue [AUD] was the highest at department stores and online stores. however, Growth was the most lowest in the rest of the sectors. However, number of businesses and profits figure also increased.
Corrected:
Overall, sales revenue [AUD] was highest in both department stores and online stores. The number of businesses and profit figures were different across the two types of stores.
Mistakes:
“however, Growth was the most lowest …” → wrong comparative; also, cannot mention growth over time (only 2011 data)
“profits figure also increased” → incorrect; cannot say “increased” for fixed-year data
Capitalization and punctuation issues
Original:
In contrast of department stores and online stores, number of businesses was the lowest between 67 and 368. Department stores profit was 807. There was significant increased and the figure was 863.
Corrected:
The number of businesses was 67 for department stores and 368 for online stores. Department stores had a profit of 807, while the figure for online stores was 863.
Mistakes:
“In contrast of” → wrong preposition
“lowest between 67 and 368” → unclear
“significant increased” → cannot mention change; only describe fixed numbers
Original:
On the other hand, Sales Revenue [AUD] were likely to the most highest figure all over the sectors. The number was 12700 in department stores and 13400 in online stores. growth was the most lowest, both department stores and online stores and percentage was .4% and .6%.
Corrected:
Sales revenue [AUD] was 12,700 in department stores and 13,400 in online stores. Growth was 0.4% in department stores and 0.6% in online stores.
Mistakes:
“were likely to the most highest” → wrong
“growth was the most lowest” → incorrect, and cannot mention trend/change over time
Numbers need correct format
# Key Rule for Fixed-Year Tables (2011)
Do not use words like “increased,” “later,” “rise,” or “growth over time.”
Only describe numbers, comparisons, and proportions for that single year.
Use linking words: higher than, lower than, the highest, the lowest, more/less, not time/change words.
The table illustrate the number of different department and online stores in Australia in 2010.
Overall, the online stores was the highest number of the businesses in sales revenue. While, the lowest department in growth . Moreover all businesses highest excepted growth.
The sales revenue was the both highest store amount in Australia between 12,700 to 13,400. In the second highest number of amount profit online store at 868. which was followed by the department store .
regarding , the number of businesses amount in online stores 368 and department stores 68.In growth the less amount of department store at 4%.
Original:
The table illustrate the number of different department and online stores in Australia in 2010.
Correction:
The table illustrates the number of department and online stores in Australia in 2010.
Mistakes:
“illustrate” → should be “illustrates” (subject-verb agreement)
“different department and online stores” → unnecessary word “different”
Missing plural consistency is okay here
Original:
Overall, the online stores was the highest number of the businesses in sales revenue.
Correction:
Overall, online stores had the highest number of businesses in terms of sales revenue.
Mistakes:
“was the highest number of the businesses” → incorrect structure; should be “had the highest number of businesses”
Original:
While, the lowest department in growth .
Correction:
Department stores had the lowest growth.
Mistakes:
“While” → unnecessary at the start
“the lowest department in growth” → incorrect word order; unclear meaning
Sentence fragment (no verb)
Original:
Moreover all businesses highest excepted growth.
Correction:
Moreover, all businesses had high figures except for growth.
Mistakes:
Missing comma after “Moreover”
“highest” → adjective alone; missing verb (“had”)
“excepted growth” → wrong word; should be “except for growth”
Original:
The sales revenue was the both highest store amount in Australia between 12,700 to 13,400.
Correction:
Sales revenue was highest in both department and online stores, ranging from 12,700 to 13,400 AUD.
Mistakes:
“the both highest” → incorrect; use “highest in both”
“store amount” → wrong word; should be “sales revenue” or “value”
“between 12,700 to 13,400” → should be “ranging from 12,700 to 13,400”
Original:
In the second highest number of amount profit online store at 868. which was followed by the department store .
Correction:
The profit of online stores was the second highest at 868, followed by department stores.
Mistakes:
Sentence fragment: “which was followed…” → attach to main sentence
“number of amount profit” → incorrect; should be “profit”
Articles missing and plural consistency
Original:
regarding , the number of businesses amount in online stores 368 and department stores 68.In growth the less amount of department store at 4%
Correction:
Regarding the number of businesses, online stores had 368 and department stores had 68. Growth was lowest in department stores at 4%.
Mistakes:
“regarding ,” → comma wrongly placed; capitalize first letter
“number of businesses amount” → redundant/incorrect
Missing verbs: “online stores 368” → should be “online stores had 368”
“In growth the less amount of department store” → unclear; incorrect grammar
The table demonstrates the data about department and online stores in Australia in the year 2011.
Overall, sales revenue department stores was the largest number as opposed to rest of the department. Notably, there was major difference on number of business stores in both categories.
According to the businesses, 67 stores was available in department, while online store had the most famous for Australia people. Moreover, in the profit 807 stores had and this figure almost 55 number higher than that of online stores.
Conversely, the expenses of sales revenue was the greatest number at 12,700 in department stores and 13,400 in online stores respectively. Lastly, .4% of the growth on department stores, which was .2% more than on online stores in Australi
Original:
Overall, sales revenue department stores was the largest number as opposed to rest of the department. Notably, there was major difference on number of business stores in both categories.
Correction:
Overall, sales revenue from department stores was the highest compared with other categories. Notably, there was a large difference in the number of business stores between the two types of stores.
Mistakes:
“sales revenue department stores” → missing preposition: should be “sales revenue from department stores”
“was the largest number as opposed to rest of the department” → incorrect phrasing
“on number of business stores” → wrong preposition; should be “in the number of business stores”
Grammar and clarity issues
Original:
According to the businesses, 67 stores was available in department, while online store had the most famous for Australia people.
Correction:
According to the data, 67 department stores were operating, while online stores were the most popular among Australians.
Mistakes:
“According to the businesses” → incorrect; should be “According to the data”
“67 stores was” → subject-verb disagreement; should be “67 stores were”
“online store had the most famous for Australia people” → ungrammatical; should be “online stores were the most popular among Australians”
Original:
Moreover, in the profit 807 stores had and this figure almost 55 number higher than that of online stores.
Correction:
Moreover, department stores had a profit of 807, which was about 55 higher than that of online stores.
Mistakes:
“in the profit 807 stores had” → ungrammatical
“this figure almost 55 number higher” → awkward and incorrect
Numbers and units unclear; need clarity
Original:
Conversely, the expenses of sales revenue was the greatest number at 12,700 in department stores and 13,400 in online stores respectively.
Correction:
Sales revenue was highest in department stores at 12,700 and in online stores at 13,400.
Mistakes:
“expenses of sales revenue” → incorrect; sales revenue is not an expense
“was the greatest number” → awkward phrasing; should be “was highest”
“respectively” not needed here if order is clear
Original:
Lastly, .4% of the growth on department stores, which was .2% more than on online stores in Australi
Correction:
Lastly, growth was 0.4% for department stores, which was 0.2% higher than that for online stores in Australia.
Mistakes:
“.4% of the growth on department stores” → incorrect phrasing
“more than on online stores in Australi” → spelling error “Australi” → “Australia”
The table compares data about department and online stores in Australia in the year 2011.
Overall , Sales Revenue (AUD) is the highest for department stores and online stores . However , Growth have the lowest figures for both department stores and online stores .
In terms of number of businesses, online store is higher than department store . On the other hand, online stores profit (AUD) is higher than department stores . In sales Revenue (AUD) online stores is most 13,400 AUD and department stores 12,700 AUD .
I a contrast, Growth stores are the less for both department stores and online stores . Department store is less for Growth 4% and online store is less 4% Growth.
Original:
Overall , Sales Revenue (AUD) is the highest for department stores and online stores . However , Growth have the lowest figures for both department stores and online stores .
Correction:
Overall, sales revenue (AUD) was highest for both department stores and online stores. However, growth had the lowest figures for both types of stores.
Mistakes:
Verb tense: “is” → should be past tense “was” (fixed-year data 2011)
“both department stores and online stores” → okay, but phrasing can be smoother
Original:
In terms of number of businesses, online store is higher than department store .
Correction:
In terms of the number of businesses, online stores had more than department stores.
Mistakes:
“online store is higher” → incorrect; should be “online stores had more”
Original:
On the other hand, online stores profit (AUD) is higher than department stores .
Correction:
Similarly, online stores’ profit (AUD) was higher than that of department stores.
Mistakes:
“On the other hand” → awkward here; use “similarly” or “also” for comparison
Original:
In sales Revenue (AUD) online stores is most 13,400 AUD and department stores 12,700 AUD .
Correction:
In terms of sales revenue (AUD), online stores had 13,400 AUD, while department stores had 12,700 AUD.
Mistakes:
“is most 13,400” → incorrect; should be “had 13,400”
Verb tense: “is” → “had”
Missing article and prepositions: “In sales Revenue” → “In terms of sales revenue”
Original:
I a contrast, Growth stores are the less for both department stores and online stores . Department storeyed is less for Growth 4% and online store is less 4% Growth.
Correction:
In contrast, growth was the lowest for both department and online stores, with department stores at 4% and online stores at 4% as well.
Mistakes:
“I a contrast” → typo; should be “In contrast”
Verb tense: “are” → “was” (past tense)
“the less” → incorrect; should be “the lowest”n
Phrasing of numbers unclear: “is less for Growth 4%” → correct form needed
The table compare the data about two type of stores in Australia in 2011.
Overall, in the number of businesses online store is higher then department store. In both store sales revenue are higher. In both businesses online stores always dominate.
In terms of online stores profit (863 AUD) is higher then department stores ( 807 AUD). In sales revenue (AUD) online stores are highest 13400 AUD. In growth, Department stores are in least at 4% and online stores at 6%.
In summary, in 2011 online stores dominated in all things. Australian people buy more in online stores in 2011.
Original:
The table compare the data about two type of stores in Australia in 2011.
Correction:
The table compares data about two types of stores in Australia in 2011.
Mistakes:
“Compare” →should be “compares”
“two type” → should be plural: “two types”
“the data about” → optional, can just be “data about”
Original:
Overall, in the number of businesses online store is higher then department store.
Correction:
Overall, in terms of the number of businesses, online stores were higher than department stores.
Mistakes:
Verb tense: “is” → “were” (past tense)
“then” → spelling error; should be “than”
Singular/plural: “online store” → “online stores”
Missing preposition: “in the number of businesses” → “in terms of the number of businesses”
Original:
In both store sales revenue are higher.
Correction:
Sales revenue was higher in both types of stores.
Mistakes:
Verb tense: “are” → “was”
Plural: “both store” → “both types of stores”
Original:
In both businesses online stores always dominate.
Correction:
In both categories, online stores dominated.
Mistakes:
“always dominate” → present tense; should be past tense “dominated”
Original:
In terms of online stores profit (863 AUD) is higher then department stores ( 807 AUD).
Correction:
In terms of profit, online stores (863 AUD) had higher profit than department stores (807 AUD).
Mistakes:
Original:
In sales revenue (AUD) online stores are highest 13400 AUD.
Correction:
In terms of sales revenue (AUD), online stores had the highest revenue at 13,400 AUD.
Mistakes:
Verb tense: “are” → “had”
“highest 13400 AUD” → incorrect; should be “the highest revenue at 13,400 AUD”
Number formatting missing comma
Original:
In growth, Department stores are in least at 4% and online stores at 6%.
Correction:
In terms of growth, department stores had the lowest at 4%, while online stores had 6%.
Mistakes:
Verb tense: “are” → “had”
“are in least” → incorrect; should be “had the lowest”
Capitalization: “Department” → lowercase unless at start of sentence
Original:
In summary, in 2011 online stores dominated in all things. Australian people buy more in online stores in 2011.
The table provides data about department and online shops in Australia in the year 2011.
Overall, Australian people were more likely in online store as opposed to department stores. Moreover, people of sales revenue spent the highest number of money on both stores.
According to the number of businesses, department stores spent the least ratio, at 67, whereas people were keen on online shops at, 368 the country of Australia. After that, 807 number of department stores had on profit figure, which was 69 number less than that in online stores.
Conversely, in the sales revenue had 12,700 department stores, and the figure was almost 1000 higher than than in online stores. Lastly, .4% of growth was happening in department store, while the growth was the largest in online store at .2% for Australian people.
The table chart illustrate data about department and online shops in different criteria such as number of business, profit (AUD), sales revenue (AUD), growth in Australia in the year 2011 .
Overall, virtual shops was ahead of department stores in figure in a major difference .The amount of the department store businesses was very low comparatively to online store businesses. The digit in profit both online and department stores share the stage almost equally .
In terms of number in business, the difference in both
# Original:
“The table chart illustrate data about department and online shops in different criteria such as number of business, profit (AUD), sales revenue (AUD), growth in Australia in the year 2011 .”
#Corrected:
“The table illustrates data about department stores and online shops in different criteria, namely the number of businesses, profit (AUD), sales revenue (AUD), and growth in Australia in the year 2011.”
#Mistakes
table chart → just table
illustrate → illustrates (singular subject)
department and online shops → department stores and online shops
number of business → number of businesses
Added proper commas and structure.
#Original:
“Overall, virtual shops was ahead of department stores in figure in a major difference .”
#Corrected:
“Overall, virtual shops were ahead of department stores by a significant margin.”
#Mistakes:
was → were (plural)
in figure in a major difference → unclear → replaced with natural phrase by a significant margin
Removed unnecessary wording.
#Original:
“The amount of the department store businesses was very low comparatively to online store businesses.”
# Corrected:
“The number of department store businesses was very low compared to online store businesses.”
#Mistakes:
amount → number (for countable nouns)
comparatively to → compared to
Removed extra words so the sentence is clear.
# Original:
“The digit in profit both online and department stores share the stage almost equally .”
# Corrected:
“The profit figures for both online and department stores were almost the same.”
#mistakes:
digit in profit → not natural → profit figures
share the stage → too informal for IELTS
share → were (verb agreement)
# Original:
“In terms of number in business, the difference in both”
#Corrected:
“In terms of the number of businesses, the difference between the two was clearly noticeable.”
#Mistakes
number in business → number of businesses
the difference in both → incomplete
Finished the sentence with correct comparison.
Band 4.5
The table compares department and online stores on some criteria – (number of business, profit (AUD), sales revenue (AUD), growth) in Australia in the year 2011.
Overall, online stores was ahead of department stores in numbers of businesses. The difference between them was major. But in profit(AUD),
there was not that much of differences. Similarly, the sales revenue and growth had a minor difference.
In terms of number of business, online store was ahead of department stores in a major number, at 368 and 67.
# Original:
“The table compares department and online stores on some criteria – (number of business, profit (AUD), sales revenue (AUD), growth) in Australia in the year 2011.”
# Corrected:
“The table compares department stores and online stores across several criteria, including the number of businesses, profit (AUD), sales revenue (AUD), and growth in Australia in 2011.”
# Mistakes:
department and online stores → missing “stores” after department
on some criteria → better: across several criteria
number of business → number of businesses
Unnecessary brackets
Word order improved for clarity
# Original:
“Overall, online stores was ahead of department stores in numbers of businesses.”
# Corrected:
“Overall, online stores were ahead of department stores in the number of businesses.”
# Mistakes:
was → were (plural subject)
numbers of businesses → the number of businesses (correct phrase)
# Original:
“The difference between them was major.”
# Corrected:
“The difference between them was significant.”
#Mistakes:
major is too informal
significant is the correct academic word
#Original:
“But in profit(AUD),there was not that much of differences.”
#Corrected:
“However, in terms of profit (AUD), the difference was not very large.”
# Mistakes:
But → informal → use However
Missing space after comma
differences → should be difference (singular)
not that much of differences → incorrect structure
#Original:
“Similarly, the sales revenue and growth had a minor difference.”
# Corrected:
“Similarly, the differences in sales revenue and growth were also small.”
#Mistakes:
had a minor difference → unnatural
Should describe differences in something
Plural is needed (two criteria → differences)
#Original:
“In terms of number of business, online store was ahead of department stores in a major number, at 368 and 67.”
#Corrected:
“In terms of the number of businesses, online stores were far ahead of department stores, with 368 and 67 respectively.”
# Mistakes:
number of business → number of businesses
online store was → online stores were
in a major number → incorrect → use far ahead
at 368 and 67 → unclear → add respectively for clarity
Band 5
The given table illustrates data about department as well as online store in Australia in 2011.
Overall, it is obvious that the information about the online stores was the highest, whereas the data about department stores was the lowest.
According to number of businesses, which contribute the lowest between two stores. First of all, department s stores number of businesses was 67 on the other hand online stores number of businesses was 368, that was higher compared to department store. Moreover, in category of profit ( AUD) had not major different, they were 807 and 863 respectively.
Regarding to sales revenue (AUD) it also had not significant difference between them. Finally, department stores and online stores growth were .4% and .6% chronologically.
1️⃣ Original:
“The given table illustrates data about department as well as online store in Australia in 2011.”
✅ Corrected:
“The table illustrates data about department stores and online stores in Australia in 2011.”
📝 Mistakes:
department as well as online store → incorrect structure
Both nouns must be plural: department stores, online stores
“given” is unnecessary in IELTS
2️⃣ Original:
“Overall, it is obvious that the information about the online stores was the highest, whereas the data about department stores was the lowest.”
✅ Corrected:
“Overall, online stores recorded higher values across almost all categories, while department stores showed lower figures.”
📝 Mistakes:
“information… was the highest” → information cannot be highest
Use figures/values instead
Improve clarity and academic tone
3️⃣ Original:
“According to number of businesses, which contribute the lowest between two stores.”
✅ Corrected:
“In terms of the number of businesses, department stores had the lower figure between the two.”
📝 Mistakes:
Sentence is incomplete
“contribute the lowest” → incorrect
Needs proper subject + verb
4️⃣ Original:
“First of all, department s stores number of businesses was 67 on the other hand online stores number of businesses was 368, that was higher compared to department store.”
✅ Corrected:
“Department stores had 67 businesses, while online stores had 368, which was significantly higher.”
📝 Mistakes:
department s stores → typo
Sentence too long and repetitive
Grammar errors: missing articles, comma misuse
“that was higher compared to department store” → unclear structure
5️⃣ Original:
“Moreover, in category of profit ( AUD) had not major different, they were 807 and 863 respectively.”
✅ Corrected:
“Moreover, the profit (AUD) figures showed little difference, at 807 and 863 respectively.”
📝 Mistakes:
“in category of profit had not major different” → incorrect structure
different → should be difference
Missing subject
Needs clearer phrasing
6️⃣ Original:
“Regarding to sales revenue (AUD) it also had not significant difference between them.”
✅ Corrected:
“Similarly, the sales revenue (AUD) for both types of stores did not differ significantly.”
📝 Mistakes:
“Regarding to” → incorrect → Regarding or With regard to
“had not significant difference” → should be did not differ significantly
7️⃣ Original:
“Finally, department stores and online stores growth were .4% and .6% chronologically.”
✅ Corrected:
“Finally, the growth rates of department stores and online stores were 0.4% and 0.6% respectively.”
📝 Mistakes:
“growth were” → should be growth rates were
“.4% and .6%” → write 0.4% and 0.6%
“chronologically” → wrong word → use respectively
Band 5.5
the table compares about department and online stores in australia in 2011.
overall , sales revenue department stores was the largest namber as opposed to rest of the department notably there was major difference on namber of businesses stores in both categories .
according to the businesses ,67 stores was available in department while online store had the famous for australia people .moreover in the profit 807 stores had this figure almost 55 number higher then thet of online stores
1️⃣ Sentence 1
Original:
the table compares about department and online stores in australia in 2011.
Correction:
The table compares department stores and online stores in Australia in 2011.
Mistakes:
“compares about” incorrect
No capital letter at the start
“australia” not capitalized
Missing plural “department stores”
Unnecessary “about”
2️⃣ Sentence 2
Original:
overall , sales revenue department stores was the largest namber as opposed to rest of the department notably there was major difference on namber of businesses stores in both categories .
Correction:
Overall, sales revenue from department stores was the highest. Notably, there was a major difference in the number of businesses between the two categories.
Mistakes:
“overall” not capitalized
Space before comma
Wrong phrase: “sales revenue department stores”
“largest namber” incorrect word + spelling
“rest of the department” incorrect
Run-on sentence
“namber” spelling error
“on namber” wrong preposition
“businesses stores” incorrect phrasing
3️⃣ Sentence 3
Original:
according to the businesses ,67 stores was available in department while online store had the famous for australia people .
Correction:
According to the data, 67 department stores were available, while online stores were more popular among Australian people.
Mistakes:
Not capitalized
Space before comma
“according to the businesses” incorrect phrase
“stores was” → subject–verb disagreement
“in department” incorrect
“online store” should be plural
“had the famous” incorrect
“australia people” incorrect phrasing
4️⃣ Sentence 4
Original:
moreover in the profit 807 stores had this figure almost 55 number higher then thet of online stores
Correction:
Moreover, the profit figure was 807, which was about 55 higher than that of online stores.
Mistakes:
No capitalization
Missing comma after “Moreover”
“in the profit” incorrect
“807 stores had this figure” incorrect
Meaning unclear (units missing)
“55 number higher” incorrect phrase
“then” instead of than
“thet” spelling error
Band 5
The table demonstrates the information about department and online stores in Australia in the year 2011.
Overall, Sales Revenue [AUD] was the highest at department stores and online stores. however, Growth was the most lowest in the rest of the sectors. However, number of businesses and profits figure also increased.
In contrast of department stores and online stores, number of businesses was the lowest between 67 and 368. Department stores profit was 807. There was significant increased and the figure was 863.
On the other hand, Sales Revenue [AUD] were likely to the most highest figure all over the sectors. The number was 12700 in department stores and 13400 in online stores. growth was the most lowest, both department stores and online stores and percentage was .4% and .6%.
Original:
Overall, Sales Revenue [AUD] was the highest at department stores and online stores. however, Growth was the most lowest in the rest of the sectors. However, number of businesses and profits figure also increased.
Corrected:
Overall, sales revenue [AUD] was highest in both department stores and online stores. The number of businesses and profit figures were different across the two types of stores.
Mistakes:
“however, Growth was the most lowest …” → wrong comparative; also, cannot mention growth over time (only 2011 data)
“profits figure also increased” → incorrect; cannot say “increased” for fixed-year data
Capitalization and punctuation issues
Original:
In contrast of department stores and online stores, number of businesses was the lowest between 67 and 368. Department stores profit was 807. There was significant increased and the figure was 863.
Corrected:
The number of businesses was 67 for department stores and 368 for online stores. Department stores had a profit of 807, while the figure for online stores was 863.
Mistakes:
“In contrast of” → wrong preposition
“lowest between 67 and 368” → unclear
“significant increased” → cannot mention change; only describe fixed numbers
Original:
On the other hand, Sales Revenue [AUD] were likely to the most highest figure all over the sectors. The number was 12700 in department stores and 13400 in online stores. growth was the most lowest, both department stores and online stores and percentage was .4% and .6%.
Corrected:
Sales revenue [AUD] was 12,700 in department stores and 13,400 in online stores. Growth was 0.4% in department stores and 0.6% in online stores.
Mistakes:
“were likely to the most highest” → wrong
“growth was the most lowest” → incorrect, and cannot mention trend/change over time
Numbers need correct format
# Key Rule for Fixed-Year Tables (2011)
Do not use words like “increased,” “later,” “rise,” or “growth over time.”
Only describe numbers, comparisons, and proportions for that single year.
Use linking words: higher than, lower than, the highest, the lowest, more/less, not time/change words.
Band…5
The table illustrate the number of different department and online stores in Australia in 2010.
Overall, the online stores was the highest number of the businesses in sales revenue. While, the lowest department in growth . Moreover all businesses highest excepted growth.
The sales revenue was the both highest store amount in Australia between 12,700 to 13,400. In the second highest number of amount profit online store at 868. which was followed by the department store .
regarding , the number of businesses amount in online stores 368 and department stores 68.In growth the less amount of department store at 4%.
Original:
The table illustrate the number of different department and online stores in Australia in 2010.
Correction:
The table illustrates the number of department and online stores in Australia in 2010.
Mistakes:
“illustrate” → should be “illustrates” (subject-verb agreement)
“different department and online stores” → unnecessary word “different”
Missing plural consistency is okay here
Original:
Overall, the online stores was the highest number of the businesses in sales revenue.
Correction:
Overall, online stores had the highest number of businesses in terms of sales revenue.
Mistakes:
“was the highest number of the businesses” → incorrect structure; should be “had the highest number of businesses”
Subject-verb agreement: “stores was” → “stores had”
“in sales revenue” → better phrasing: “in terms of sales revenue”
Original:
While, the lowest department in growth .
Correction:
Department stores had the lowest growth.
Mistakes:
“While” → unnecessary at the start
“the lowest department in growth” → incorrect word order; unclear meaning
Sentence fragment (no verb)
Original:
Moreover all businesses highest excepted growth.
Correction:
Moreover, all businesses had high figures except for growth.
Mistakes:
Missing comma after “Moreover”
“highest” → adjective alone; missing verb (“had”)
“excepted growth” → wrong word; should be “except for growth”
Original:
The sales revenue was the both highest store amount in Australia between 12,700 to 13,400.
Correction:
Sales revenue was highest in both department and online stores, ranging from 12,700 to 13,400 AUD.
Mistakes:
“the both highest” → incorrect; use “highest in both”
“store amount” → wrong word; should be “sales revenue” or “value”
“between 12,700 to 13,400” → should be “ranging from 12,700 to 13,400”
Original:
In the second highest number of amount profit online store at 868. which was followed by the department store .
Correction:
The profit of online stores was the second highest at 868, followed by department stores.
Mistakes:
Sentence fragment: “which was followed…” → attach to main sentence
“number of amount profit” → incorrect; should be “profit”
Articles missing and plural consistency
Original:
regarding , the number of businesses amount in online stores 368 and department stores 68.In growth the less amount of department store at 4%
Correction:
Regarding the number of businesses, online stores had 368 and department stores had 68. Growth was lowest in department stores at 4%.
Mistakes:
“regarding ,” → comma wrongly placed; capitalize first letter
“number of businesses amount” → redundant/incorrect
Missing verbs: “online stores 368” → should be “online stores had 368”
“In growth the less amount of department store” → unclear; incorrect grammar
Band 5.5
The table demonstrates the data about department and online stores in Australia in the year 2011.
Overall, sales revenue department stores was the largest number as opposed to rest of the department. Notably, there was major difference on number of business stores in both categories.
According to the businesses, 67 stores was available in department, while online store had the most famous for Australia people. Moreover, in the profit 807 stores had and this figure almost 55 number higher than that of online stores.
Conversely, the expenses of sales revenue was the greatest number at 12,700 in department stores and 13,400 in online stores respectively. Lastly, .4% of the growth on department stores, which was .2% more than on online stores in Australi
Original:
Overall, sales revenue department stores was the largest number as opposed to rest of the department. Notably, there was major difference on number of business stores in both categories.
Correction:
Overall, sales revenue from department stores was the highest compared with other categories. Notably, there was a large difference in the number of business stores between the two types of stores.
Mistakes:
“sales revenue department stores” → missing preposition: should be “sales revenue from department stores”
“was the largest number as opposed to rest of the department” → incorrect phrasing
“on number of business stores” → wrong preposition; should be “in the number of business stores”
Grammar and clarity issues
Original:
According to the businesses, 67 stores was available in department, while online store had the most famous for Australia people.
Correction:
According to the data, 67 department stores were operating, while online stores were the most popular among Australians.
Mistakes:
“According to the businesses” → incorrect; should be “According to the data”
“67 stores was” → subject-verb disagreement; should be “67 stores were”
“online store had the most famous for Australia people” → ungrammatical; should be “online stores were the most popular among Australians”
Original:
Moreover, in the profit 807 stores had and this figure almost 55 number higher than that of online stores.
Correction:
Moreover, department stores had a profit of 807, which was about 55 higher than that of online stores.
Mistakes:
“in the profit 807 stores had” → ungrammatical
“this figure almost 55 number higher” → awkward and incorrect
Numbers and units unclear; need clarity
Original:
Conversely, the expenses of sales revenue was the greatest number at 12,700 in department stores and 13,400 in online stores respectively.
Correction:
Sales revenue was highest in department stores at 12,700 and in online stores at 13,400.
Mistakes:
“expenses of sales revenue” → incorrect; sales revenue is not an expense
“was the greatest number” → awkward phrasing; should be “was highest”
“respectively” not needed here if order is clear
Original:
Lastly, .4% of the growth on department stores, which was .2% more than on online stores in Australi
Correction:
Lastly, growth was 0.4% for department stores, which was 0.2% higher than that for online stores in Australia.
Mistakes:
“.4% of the growth on department stores” → incorrect phrasing
“more than on online stores in Australi” → spelling error “Australi” → “Australia”
Missing verb; sentence fragment
Band 6
The table compares data about department and online stores in Australia in the year 2011.
Overall , Sales Revenue (AUD) is the highest for department stores and online stores . However , Growth have the lowest figures for both department stores and online stores .
In terms of number of businesses, online store is higher than department store . On the other hand, online stores profit (AUD) is higher than department stores . In sales Revenue (AUD) online stores is most 13,400 AUD and department stores 12,700 AUD .
I a contrast, Growth stores are the less for both department stores and online stores . Department store is less for Growth 4% and online store is less 4% Growth.
Original:
Overall , Sales Revenue (AUD) is the highest for department stores and online stores . However , Growth have the lowest figures for both department stores and online stores .
Correction:
Overall, sales revenue (AUD) was highest for both department stores and online stores. However, growth had the lowest figures for both types of stores.
Mistakes:
Verb tense: “is” → should be past tense “was” (fixed-year data 2011)
Subject-verb agreement: “Growth have” → “Growth had”
Unnecessary spaces before commas and periods
“both department stores and online stores” → okay, but phrasing can be smoother
Original:
In terms of number of businesses, online store is higher than department store .
Correction:
In terms of the number of businesses, online stores had more than department stores.
Mistakes:
“online store is higher” → incorrect; should be “online stores had more”
Missing plural: “department store” → “department stores”
Verb tense for fixed-year data: “is” → “had”
Original:
On the other hand, online stores profit (AUD) is higher than department stores .
Correction:
Similarly, online stores’ profit (AUD) was higher than that of department stores.
Mistakes:
Verb tense: “is” → “was”
Missing possessive apostrophe: “stores profit” → “stores’ profit”
“On the other hand” → awkward here; use “similarly” or “also” for comparison
Original:
In sales Revenue (AUD) online stores is most 13,400 AUD and department stores 12,700 AUD .
Correction:
In terms of sales revenue (AUD), online stores had 13,400 AUD, while department stores had 12,700 AUD.
Mistakes:
“is most 13,400” → incorrect; should be “had 13,400”
Verb tense: “is” → “had”
Missing article and prepositions: “In sales Revenue” → “In terms of sales revenue”
Original:
I a contrast, Growth stores are the less for both department stores and online stores . Department storeyed is less for Growth 4% and online store is less 4% Growth.
Correction:
In contrast, growth was the lowest for both department and online stores, with department stores at 4% and online stores at 4% as well.
Mistakes:
“I a contrast” → typo; should be “In contrast”
Verb tense: “are” → “was” (past tense)
“the less” → incorrect; should be “the lowest”n
Phrasing of numbers unclear: “is less for Growth 4%” → correct form needed
Band 5
The table compare the data about two type of stores in Australia in 2011.
Overall, in the number of businesses online store is higher then department store. In both store sales revenue are higher. In both businesses online stores always dominate.
In terms of online stores profit (863 AUD) is higher then department stores ( 807 AUD). In sales revenue (AUD) online stores are highest 13400 AUD. In growth, Department stores are in least at 4% and online stores at 6%.
In summary, in 2011 online stores dominated in all things. Australian people buy more in online stores in 2011.
Original:
The table compare the data about two type of stores in Australia in 2011.
Correction:
The table compares data about two types of stores in Australia in 2011.
Mistakes:
“Compare” →should be “compares”
“two type” → should be plural: “two types”
“the data about” → optional, can just be “data about”
Original:
Overall, in the number of businesses online store is higher then department store.
Correction:
Overall, in terms of the number of businesses, online stores were higher than department stores.
Mistakes:
Verb tense: “is” → “were” (past tense)
“then” → spelling error; should be “than”
Singular/plural: “online store” → “online stores”
Missing preposition: “in the number of businesses” → “in terms of the number of businesses”
Original:
In both store sales revenue are higher.
Correction:
Sales revenue was higher in both types of stores.
Mistakes:
Verb tense: “are” → “was”
Plural: “both store” → “both types of stores”
Original:
In both businesses online stores always dominate.
Correction:
In both categories, online stores dominated.
Mistakes:
“always dominate” → present tense; should be past tense “dominated”
“both businesses” → better phrasing: “both categories”
Original:
In terms of online stores profit (863 AUD) is higher then department stores ( 807 AUD).
Correction:
In terms of profit, online stores (863 AUD) had higher profit than department stores (807 AUD).
Mistakes:
Verb tense: “is” → “had”
“then” → should be “than”
Missing possessive: “online stores profit” → “online stores’ profit”
Original:
In sales revenue (AUD) online stores are highest 13400 AUD.
Correction:
In terms of sales revenue (AUD), online stores had the highest revenue at 13,400 AUD.
Mistakes:
Verb tense: “are” → “had”
“highest 13400 AUD” → incorrect; should be “the highest revenue at 13,400 AUD”
Number formatting missing comma
Original:
In growth, Department stores are in least at 4% and online stores at 6%.
Correction:
In terms of growth, department stores had the lowest at 4%, while online stores had 6%.
Mistakes:
Verb tense: “are” → “had”
“are in least” → incorrect; should be “had the lowest”
Capitalization: “Department” → lowercase unless at start of sentence
Original:
In summary, in 2011 online stores dominated in all things. Australian people buy more in online stores in 2011.
No need to mention summary
Band 5.5
The table provides data about department and online shops in Australia in the year 2011.
Overall, Australian people were more likely in online store as opposed to department stores. Moreover, people of sales revenue spent the highest number of money on both stores.
According to the number of businesses, department stores spent the least ratio, at 67, whereas people were keen on online shops at, 368 the country of Australia. After that, 807 number of department stores had on profit figure, which was 69 number less than that in online stores.
Conversely, in the sales revenue had 12,700 department stores, and the figure was almost 1000 higher than than in online stores. Lastly, .4% of growth was happening in department store, while the growth was the largest in online store at .2% for Australian people.