Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Remaining Time:
WT 2- Batch-144, 14 Oct
Word Count: 0
Actually, Some people believe that young people should choose the job . On the other hand some people think that they should be more realistic and think more about future . In my opinion is letter one.
Now a days some young people ran behind job. Becouse they do not have self confident . They think if they invest they will would fail and lose the money . And also they do not take risk in their life . And second think is fainancial problem many people come from middelclass family they do not have lot of fainanceal support . If they went to do business they can not do it for their situation .
On the other hand , many people believe that they should be more realistic and think more about their future . Now a day the young people do not take any risk about their future . But if they take risk they can improve their lifestyle . In real life they must do hard work without hard work they can not be susses in their life . If they face real life situation they can understand their own life meaning and they can become strong and they can fight againest the negative power of their life .
In Concluation Some people think that the young genaration should choose the jobs becouse they do not want to take risk their life . On the other hand many people believe that they should be more realistic and think more about their future life . My opinion is letter one .
spelling – Becouse → Because, fainancial/fainanceal → financial, middelclass → middle-class, susses → success, againest → against, Concluation → Conclusion, genaration → generation, letter → latter
sentence structure – In my opinion is letter one → In my opinion, the latter view is correct, they will would fail → they would fail, they can not be susses → they cannot be successful
punctuation – missing commas after Nowadays, On the other hand, and In conclusion,
idea relevance – addresses both views, but explanations are unclear and repetitive.. lacks strong examples and balance
try to add more relevant ideas
Band-5.0
It is believed by some people that young people should select the profession that they want, however , others think that should be more realistic and think more about their future . I totally agree with the former nation because as developing their skills and comfortable working places that they want .
Some people perceive that when young people choose the jobs, they are working comfortable and satisfaction about these. They are working by satisfaction and developing their own skills. These people enjoying their profession and comfortable working their favorite places. For example, in Norway , young people working their profession that they want .
One the other hands, some people thought that young people choose their profession more realistic and think more about their future. This is because of they have permanent job and not worry about their future . For example , in India lots of people had permanent jobs and they did not about their future . Not only future but also they are more realistic about their life and jobs experience .
In conclusion , while people think they should be more realistic and think about their future . It is believed by some people that young people should select the profession that they want , because as they are developing their own ideas and work enjoyable and comfortable satisfaction their jobs .
spelling – nation → notion,
word formation- One the other hands → On the other hand
sentence structure – others think that should be more realistic → others think they should be more realistic, because as developing their skills → because they can develop their skills, These people enjoying their profession → These people enjoy their profession, they did not about their future → they did not worry about their future
punctuation – missing commas after For example, and In conclusion,
idea relevance – both sides addressed, but ideas are repetitive and lack clear examples or explanation of why it matters
work on idea development
Band-5.0
Some individuals vocalize that youth generation should select the job which they want to do whereas other thought that they should be worry about their bright future. I firmly agree with former statement as it bring them enthusiastic to their work.
Society should support young people to choice their career as they want to do so that they can do this job with their full attention. When a person can get a suitable work for themselves, they get more interest for it due to it is their dream work. Additionally, they know that they have enough knowledge about it from the past. or example, a person who has been teach students as a instructor from his or her early age, now he or she should be prefer teaching profession. Therefore, this person can give her or his best performance.
One the other hand, individuals should be think with reality so that their appointment can be permanent and they are confirm about their upcoming days. It is more significant that someone has a long time job and they can easily fund for their demand as necessary. For example, all government employee has their guaranty about their appointment, however corporate jobs are temporary. as a result, they can enjoy their work.
To sum up, although people should be aware about their future , they also should boost their skill. I personally support with first view.
other thought that-others think that
spelling – choice → choose, or example → For example, guaranty → guarantee
a person..themselves → a person..him/her
sentence structure – other thought that they should be worry → others think they should worry, as it bring them enthusiastic → as it brings them enthusiasm, One the other hand → On the other hand, individuals should be think with reality → individuals should think realistically, they are confirm → they are confident, I personally support with first view → I personally support the first view
punctuation – add commas after For example, On the other hand, and To sum up,
work on idea organization
Read samples
Band-5.5
There are some people who believe that young people should choose the jobs they want.
soo generaly if they choose the jobs they want it will be more helpfull to them because of that they wont carry a burden of another person choosing the job for them. soo they cannot blame another person for choosing the job for them, because of that they will be more consistant in there job.if they choose there job by there own decicion they will be more focused and it will not make them bored easily.Because of that they can earn more they can save more if they want to.Also he will be great in his work sector.By doing his dream job he will be more succesfull in his life.choosing job by considering there future it will be more enjoyable and less stressful cause he choosed the job by planning something for there future.Life will be peacefull and less stressful if the salary comes in perfect time.
There are some other people who thinks that young people should be more realistic and think more about their future.
soo mainly the people who will choose there job by being realistic it will help them less,cause he will be insecure about his job and job life it will make him less interested in his job sector.being realistic will cause him more boredom and less peace.The job will make him stressed day by day.getting the job by being realistic will cause him less income cause he will be less consistant in his work.he will be less satisfied by that,it will hit him by boredom.
In conclution i can say that choosing the job by there own decision will be more greatefull rathar than choosing the job by being realisic.In my preferance I will choose the job which will make me happy and will be less stressfull it will be only possible if I choose the job by my own decicion.cause being realistic will not match our likings
Incorrect format
Paragraphing
spelling – soo → so, there → their, decicion → decision, succesfull → successful, peacefull → peaceful, greatefull → grateful, rathar → rather, realisic → realistic, preferance → preference
sentence structure – if they choose there job by there own decicion → if they choose their job by their own decision, it will be more helpfull to them because of that they wont carry a burden → it will be more helpful because they won’t carry the burden, cause he will be insecure about his job and job life → because he will feel insecure about his job
punctuation – missing capital letters at the start of sentences…missing commas after In conclusion, overuse of “so”
Work on idea organization and development
Band-5.0
Some individuals believed that adult people ought to choose their work that they want ,others people think that think more about their future is essential for young people .In my opinion ,choose the jobs that they want is important for young people .
On one hand ,people who work in his choosing job he do her best in this job .If a man do his work which he choose he will dedicate in his job .By choosing his favourite job he can work peacefully .He can feel interesting
in his work. By taking job a man take it if he is skilled in this work .If anyone take a job by his own choosing than he can work independently.
He can work in his job when he want .For example ,a freelancer can do his work freedomlly .he can doing his work when he had spent her free time .
On the other hand ,some people though that young people should be more realistic and think deeply about their future .In generally , a people who think about her future he must have to be sincere in his work .When he doing her work he must be thought her future than he give her best effort in his work .A man who is ideal for her future he would be take the respectable work for him .If he though about her upcoming life he can feel interesting in his work .
In conclusion , while thinking about realistic and future is helpful for a man .I believe that choose the job that they want is more and more essential for young people .It can be helped to reach his own goal and encourage his to his duty .
Spelling and word formation– freedomlly → freely, though → thought, choose → choosing (in some places), her → his (used incorrectly several times), interesting → interested
Sentence structure – people who work in his choosing job he do her best → people who work in their chosen job do their best; If a man do his work which he choose → If a man does the work he chooses; He can work in his job when he want → He can work whenever he wants; It can be helped to reach his own goal → It can help him reach his goal
Punctuation – Missing spaces after commas
needs commas after linking words ( On the other hand, In conclusion,) unnecessary capitalization
Needs clearer paragraphing
idea development
Band-5.0
It is thought by some people that young people ought to choose the jobs they want, however other believe that it more realistic and think more about their future. I firmly agree with the former nation as people are likely to find feeling of satisfaction while doing their prefer job remaining content and dedicated.
In general, there are couple of reason why people claim that young people should be prefer their jobs because they always want their freedom. I think that, it provides people open the door to higher job and they can always their work attentively. For example, whenever people prefer the job, they always focus their task and they can easily completely their work. It also increases and builds there interest properly. In other words, young people always think that their job satisfaction because it provides peace of their mind. So these are the significant reason people say that young people should prefer their jobs that they own.
On the other hand, many people believe that young people should more realistic because there appointment can be permanent, which will assist their future. For instance, whenever people long time there job, they can not struggle their upcoming day. Although, they can easily fund their demands as necessary. It also help people in many ways like government should be guaranty their jobs and cooperate jobs are temporary.
In conclusion, while many people believe that realistic jobs is more crucial and its also aware their future jobs.
Spelling – prefer → choose, there → their, nation → notion, guaranty → guarantee, cooperate → corporate
Sentence structure – it more realistic → it is more realistic; young people should be prefer their jobs → young people should choose their jobs; they can easily completely their work → they can complete their work easily; it also help people → it also helps people; its also aware their future jobs → it also helps them be aware of their future jobs
Punctuation – missing commas after introductory phrases (In general, On the other hand, In conclusion,)
Idea relevance – Ideas mostly relevant (job satisfaction vs. realistic/permanent jobs), but explanation is unclear and some sentences are repetitive, examples are unclear and poorly developed
Band-5.5
Some individual people believed that, young people should choose the jobs that they want . Others claim that there are many people should realistic and think more about future of theme .
There are young people mantainese of all over the work for own power . It becouse of young people likly find of work satisfied , enjoy the work and finished booringless. There for young people long time time working with younging power .
The other side people often should confidently explore the of opportunities but think about there future by realisic , they feel motivaited in work . Additionally, many peoples careers requier work of a more about their future. Many people have made work easier by letting work from home.
i
Spelling and word formation – individual → individuals, becouse → because, likly → likely, booringless → boredom-free (or less boring), mantainese → maintenance, motivaited → motivated, requier → require, realisic → realistic, there → their, theme → them
Sentence structure – Some individual people believed that, young people should choose the jobs that they want → Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs they want; Others claim that there are many people should realistic → Others claim that young people should be realistic; It becouse of young people likly find of work satisfied → This is because young people are likely to find their work satisfying
Punctuation – Missing commas after introductory words (There are…), unnecessary spaces before commas and full stops, capitalization issues (i → I)
Idea relevance – Essay is incomplete and ideas are unclear.. very little explanation of why it’s good or bad to choose a job or be realistic
Band-4.0
Many people think they ought to be more practical and put more thought about their future, while others believe that young people ought to choose the profession that they want. I stoutly agree with the former notion as realistic thinking allows people to asses their situation, therefore, deciding on the best outcome for their futures.
People believe that they should choose the jobs that they actually want as it helps them to be more motivated and focused for their goals. Working on a job they want allows them to be independent, as a result they are able to generate more ideas and work more productively. successful people pursue their own desired job. An example is Elon Musk, he always aspired to work with tech and space which led him to make Space X. Which is now a successful company working with space and rockets worth billions of dollars. As working in own job allows them to be more attentive on their work it keeps them going.
On the other hand, always wanting to do the job that they want might not always work considering the situation they are in and the lack of hard work. While thinking realistically helps them to understand their capability to judge their skill, dedication and about what is best for them. Knowing what is best for them helps them to decide what they need to do for the future they aspire. As an example a celebrity in Bangladesh named Shuhag, while studying he saw an opportunity for building a coaching centre for the students helping them to study and now it is worth millions of dollars. Being realistic does not just allow one to get the best outcome they want but also the best outcome they need.
In conclusion, even though choosing own job helps them to work hard and stay dedicated allowing them to be more productive, I think people ought to be realistic as they need to access their own circumstances deciding what is truly best for them.
Spelling – asses → assess, stoutly → strongly (better word choice)
Sentence structure – “Which is now a successful company working with space and rockets worth billions of dollars” → should be connected to previous sentence: “…which led him to make SpaceX, a successful company worth billions of dollars working with space and rockets.”
“access their own circumstances deciding what is truly best for them” → assess their own circumstances to decide what is truly best for them
Punctuation – Missing commas after introductory words (On the other hand,), minor overuse of commas in long sentences
Idea relevance – Ideas are relevant, well-developed, clear examples
Good job!
Band-6.5
Many people belive that ought to people more practical and put more thought about their future while others believe that young people ought to choose the profession they went .Firmaly agree with former notion as realistc thinking allow to us to assess our situation ,therfore deciding on the best out come for future .
young people beliave that they should choose the jons that they actuallly went as it help them to be more motivated and focused for thier goals . Working on a job they went allow them to be independent they realstic are they generate more idea and work ability successful people pursue their desired job allows .
On the other hand ,always wanting to do the job that went to might not always work of considering the situation you are in and the lack of hard work .while thinking realistcally helps us to understand our capability to judge our skile , dedication and about what to best for us knowing what us future we aspire .As result they are able to agree realistic .
In conclusion ,ever though choosing our own job helps us to work herd and stay dedicated allowing to be more productive ,i think people ought to realistic more future
Spelling – belive → believe, firmaly → firmly, realistc → realistic, therfore → therefore, out come → outcome, jons → jobs, actuallly → actually, thier → their, skile → skill, herd → hard
Sentence structure – “young people beliave that they should choose the jons that they actuallly went” → Young people believe they should choose the jobs they actually want
“Working on a job they went allow them to be independent they realstic are they generate more idea and work ability successful people pursue their desired job allows” → Working in a job they want allows them to be independent, generate more ideas, and become successful
“while thinking realistcally helps us to understand our capability to judge our skile , dedication and about what to best for us knowing what us future we aspire” → Thinking realistically helps us understand our skills, dedication, and what is best for our future
Punctuation – Missing commas after introductory phrases, missing capital letters at sentence beginnings, inconsistent full stops
sentences are very unclear, repetitive, and hard to follow, explanation is weak
Band-5
It is thought by some individuals consider that they ought to choose the work where they feel satisfice ,however, other individuals vocalize that people should choose the work which is more practical for their future life. I firmly agree with this first statement because in this essays along with more relevant whereas people can reduce their own stress.
On the one hand, there are a number of factor why I strongly agree with this statement . first of all , when individuals choose work with their own purpose , they can more focus on their job also more satisfy with their work. In addition to this they also can develop their energy , they do not feel boarding on work . In the future , they will develop their various idea . for instance, a recent survey found that, many youngsters satisfy with their own work and day by day they will can develop numerous thing in Malaysia . Moreover when individuals work their own preferences , they feel more comfortable and also peace.
On the other hand , People should focus and think critically when they choose any job. Firstly , when individuals think deeply , they can find more realistic idea which impact their future development ,life is more view point for every individuals life . However , people can earn more money in their life , when they choose work more realistic . After that people can live wealthy life , they will not thinking for their property . For example , it is noticed a prominent newspaper which is “Daily Star” that , when a individuals thought critically , they can find more crucial way and almost 5 million people could live way good life.
In conclusion, in this essay I discussed both views and also give a lot of example and some relevant ideas . while other individual think that they ought to be more realistic and also think about future , however, in my opinion when a young satisfy their own work , they can lead a good life.
Spelling – satisfice → satisfied, boarding → bored, essays → essay, factor → factors, thing → things, wealth → wealthy, give → gave (context-dependent), a lot of → many
Sentence structure –“It is thought by some individuals consider that they ought to choose the work where they feel satisfice” → Some individuals believe that they should choose work where they feel satisfied
“they will can develop numerous thing” → they will be able to develop numerous things
“life is more view point for every individuals life” → it provides a broader perspective for every individual’s life
“they will not thinking for their property” → they will not have to worry about their property
Punctuation – Commas.. before however, after found that), missing capitalization at some sentence beginnings
work on intro and conclusion
Band-5.0
Generally people think that young generation chose their jobs which they like or feel comfortable doing but some people feel that profession should be chosen thoughtfully, and should consider thinking about future. There is a tendency in young generation that they are particular about their profession.
Usually now days young people select their profession which they will like or freely. Doing the job which the person will like is helpful for him in many ways. First of all he will b e happy while doing it. He would get courage for doing his job. He would be great in his sector cause the profession was chosen by him. He wont get bored. Following passion or choosing job gives a person inner satisfaction .
Choosing profession considering future will be great for future cause the job would be steady. Being realistic when choosing profession will increase the security, cause no one will select a insecure job or profession. A secure jobs are much better in terms of salary . So the job will be financially stable in future.
In conclusion I can say that I will prefer choosing the job that will give satisfaction or young should chose the job that they want. After all doing the work which we like gives a happiness. But if we select a job thinking about future or by being realistic will not always match our likings. But it would be stable. So in my case I will select a job which will match my preferences, cause being happy is needed.
Spelling and word formation – chose → choose, b e → be, wont → won’t, likings → preferences, now a days→nowadays
Sentence structure – “young generation chose their jobs which they like” → young generation chooses jobs they like; “cause the profession was chosen by him” → because the profession was chosen by him; “A secure jobs are much better” → Secure jobs are much better
Punctuation – Missing commas after introductory phrases (First of all, In conclusion,) overuse of “But” at sentence beginnings
avoid contractions (won’t)
work on idea elaboration and organization
minimize the conclusion So in my case I will select a job which will match my preferences, cause being happy is needed.
avoid personalization-
Band-5.5
It is thought by some people that young people should consider the job they like to do. However some other indiviudual think they should be more concern about their future. In my point of view I totally agree with letter statement, because when people do their favourite job it become more enjoyable.
Some individual love to do some work what they good at. There are so many benefit doing your comfortable job like it can reduce stress. You not going to bore. For example in Japan many people can choose their job for that most people are very happy , and when they came after work they feel very refreshing. In Japan the goverment allow them to choose their occupation. For that most of the people are happy. It also very essential for our mental health.
On the other hand people should be more concern and think about their upcoming life. Because people need to secure their future. For that they should do that kind of work which help to buy something they dream.
Spelling – indiviudual → individual, letter → latter, goverment → government, its → it’s, benefit → benefits
Sentence structure – “they should be more concern” → they should be more concerned; “Some individual love to do some work what they good at” → Some individuals love to do work they are good at; “You not going to bore” → You will not get bored; “For that they should do that kind of work which help to buy something they dream” → They should do work that helps them achieve their dreams
Punctuation – Missing commas after introductory words (However, In my point of view,) missing full stop at the end of last sentence, capitalization issues
idea repetition
incomplete
Band- 5.0